The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
