Michael Bay diarrhea
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
