There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
