so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
birth control should be required to get into college
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
