i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
