The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
