I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
