So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
