How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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