dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
