The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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