i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize