it hurts more in the daytime
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
