You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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