my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
