in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize