The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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