He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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