I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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