I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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