His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
