I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
