you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
