Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I lost the right to judge tonight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize