WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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