All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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