My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
