My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
