her vagine was all disorganized.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
