it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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