So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
