dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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