therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
