im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
