He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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