He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
