I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
