party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize