I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
