I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
