The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
