I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
