Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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