I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
