Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I deserve this hangover.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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