it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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