I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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