Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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