I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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