Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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