I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
