I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
