Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
