The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
