I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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