Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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