So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
