I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
