Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
