hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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