he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
