Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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