I showed him my bush... on skype.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
