Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You need a sexual gate keeper
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize