why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
