is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
