bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
