saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
