If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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