Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
